Musings of A Newly Formed Adult

Essentially, I need a job which gives me creativity. I’m in an odd place now. I’ve dealt with some issues of depression and anxiety (none that needed to be treated with meds, but just needed to talk to a psychologist), and I’m trying to combat life-long habits which aren’t healthy for me. However, as I work part-time as a clerical worker in the big corporate gear-house that is capitalist America, I’ve noticed something: I do not like what I do.

Oh I’m still going to do my job to the best of my ability, I’m even going to maybe improve the system as much as I can. I’m committed. But when it comes down to brass tacks, I am doing boring work with little or no interaction with anyone, and little or no problem solving/creative solutions. I’m a creator, a critic, an enthusiastic human being who loves making things work and making things that work. I love creating with people.

So I sit at my desk, doing practically nothing because this job requires next to no effort, waiting for emails to come in so I can fill out worksheets and records. I cannot be passionate about this job because I cannot force passion. So what do I do? How do I keep this from killing me, inside and out, and being so drained at the end of the day that I can’t even seem to do the most basic things? I’m discontent (a natural state for me, unfortunately), and I need a way to fix this. I’m going to stay with this job, and I’m going to do my best with it. I need to toughen up and learn how to balance work and my free time. But I also want to make.

Ah, the perils of being a millennial.

For a moment. Just one moment, I thought he was passed over after initially being considered, and it filled me with fear, dread, and unstoppable hate.

(via joyandjubilations)